I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
