i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
