yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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