Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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