She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
