is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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