And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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