we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My feet surprised me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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