I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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