my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
