everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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