operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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