those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
