I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize