I hate all girls vehemently.
Me too!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
