I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You are the jesus of drinking
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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