Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
