He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
