Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
