Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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