I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
