ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
