Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
