I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
