Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
