yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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