AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
