i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
