This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
