She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
