i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
