Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
