Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
