So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
