I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
