thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
