Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize