I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize