What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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