Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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