i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
