I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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