Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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