im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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