I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
