I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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