I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
