The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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