cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
