dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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