Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
