I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
