I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
