last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's blow job season.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize