So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
