ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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