how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
