Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
