Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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