Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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