Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
